Now what?

It was four months yesterday since I was given the boot. It's been a strange four months.

The first month was full of "eh, screw 'em" attitude while I looked in earnest for the next big thing. I rode my bike a lot, too. That was nice.

The second month was all about chasing the good leads — jobs that were really good fits, as opposed to really good ways to make money while figuring out what really comes next. None of those panned out. Oh, and I blew my iPhone into a million pieces.

The third month took a darker turn. The race season was over, eliminating most reasons to leave the house. So I stayed in a lot and played with Legos. Yes, really. Oh, and I had an interview that went very well — the interviewer said so, even — and I haven't heard a word since.

The fourth month was, somehow, busy and semi-productive. I didn't ride much, but I also did something other than play with Legos. So that's a good thing.

Througout these four months, I've been writing part-time for the World-Herald. I actually enjoyed that quite a bit, and I'm pretty proud of some of those stories. They're really quite good, if I'm allowed to say such things.

But that arrangement ended as of the first of the year. And so, save for a few little extra World-Herald stories (the part-time stuff I was doing long before any of this shit hit the fan), I really am unemployed. I have nothing to do. Literally.

That's a new one. I spent a good chunk of Monday morning staring at the screen, half-waiting for the phone to ring. I should note that I didn't expect my phone to ring, and there was no reason for it to do so. Nothing impending, nothing I've been waiting for. But I'm ready anyway, I guess.

I think the really frustrating thing in all of this is not that I'm jobless — it's that when I search the job boards (every day, a few times a day) there's nothing really out there for me. Applying and not getting hired is one thing, but not even seeing anything worth pursuing makes it harder. At least with the first one, you can do the "try, try again" bit. This? I'd jump at the chance to try once, let alone two or three times.

Side note: Don't make an extra pot of coffee and listen to Bon Iver all morning if you want to stay positive. I was ready to go back to bed at 11:30. Yikes.

Today, I'll do a little bit of OWH work — collecting sources, mostly — and then stare at the clock, waiting for the afternoon. In the afternoon, the time when Chris and the kids come home draws near. That's the best time of the day. That's when I feel like I'm actually doing something — my first-place standing in my current PS3 baseball season notwithstanding.

Until then, here I am. Just waiting.